So many bounce houses so little time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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