OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
