Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
