If that was your dad, he is hot
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
