Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ladies don't puke and tell
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
