I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
