But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
