Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
