You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
