so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Success! We fucked roommates!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
