Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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