East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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