I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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