He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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