he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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