fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
