I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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