Got a toothbrush?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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