Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
