I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
