It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
