yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
