Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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