Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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