Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
