My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
