walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
