If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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