Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My penis needs a shock collar
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
