but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
