Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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