Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
