youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
