at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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