so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
