hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this boner is exhausting
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
