We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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