Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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