i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
