Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
