barbara walters just said penis...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
