Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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