hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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