I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
