my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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