just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
