im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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