When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
