I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
