I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
