wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
