I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
