Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
